Sweet relief

16.1 - and we still have a heartbeat, together with a very active little fetus (or is that foetus? I never know...) So our first major milestone of 15 weeks has been reached. My lovely OB has set me a new goal of 20 weeks and she appears to be rather amused by my pessimistic attitude to booking appointments too far in advance. She asked me today if I booked in at the hospital, to which I could only snort in reply. Hell, I haven't even booked my morphology scan in yet.

A stitch in time

Corny, hey? But true all the same. It was just in time - my cervix was about 1cm dilated when my OB put the stitch in, so I guess that explains the nasty pains I was having leading up to it.

Looking back now, the whole procedure went quite well although at the time, I felt emotionally and physically fucked. Normally I tolerate general anaesthethics quite well and love nothing better than a good hospital stay. What's not to love? The endless uninterrupted TV viewing, peace and quite to complete a crossword, food delivered to your bed (I'm a product of 5 years at boarding school. I actually like the taste of bland, mass produced institutional food - it's comforting) and every so often someone comes around and shoots me full of morphine.

This time however, there was no morphine to take the edge off. Only panadol, which is not quite the same. And I felt shakey and unsettled, fidgety and very anxious. I seriously considered discharging myself as I had a strong urge to be at home, in the comfort of my own bed surrounded by my own possessions. My cannula was badly sited and becoming quite painful and it took a great deal of self control not to remove the bloody thing myself. Eventually, I managed to convince myself that I needed to be there so my OB could do another scan the next morning to make sure we still had a heartbeat and I did manage to get a decent nights rest, which surprised me a great deal.

It's been 4 days since the stitch was inserted and only now can I say that I'm feeling far more human than I was and much less fragile. I can feel the stitch, it's not uncomfortable or painful in anyway but I definitely am aware that it is in. If I stand up too quickly, or sneeze/cough, I can feel a gentle tug so my mind is never far away from it.

I'm still second guessing every little twinge or niggle that I feel and am terrified that miscarriage is imminent but I think I'm slowly learning to relax a little bit and take one day at a time. I've not had anymore cramping or acheyness, which is very reassuring. Long may it continue. 15.1 weeks today. Yay me.

Scared

Lots of women in second (& subsequent) pregnancies tend to forget how far along they are as they are busy dealing with exisiting children and the demands of everyday life. I am not one of them. I know exactly how far I am (14w 2d today, thank you very much.) and how much further I have to go.

I am rapidly approaching the dreaded 15 week mark - the point where we lost our last baby and I'm scared. I have been terribly anxious about this date and for a while there thought all was going so well. That we might just actually make it. That was until dead on 14 weeks, I started having a nasty heavy (and if I want to be completely honest) possibly achey feeling low down in my pelvis. Thankfully though, I've not had any other signs of impending miscarriage - no bleeding, no contractions, no discharge.

I am booked for a cervical stitch tomorrow. I just pray I can hang on long enough to see that through or at very least be well and truly under a general anaesthetic before it all goes pearshaped. I couldn't bear to relive the nightmare of a 2nd trimester miscarriage again.

I got nutthin'

I've tried, I really have but I just can't find anything interesting to blog about.

Weekends lately around here have consisted solely of shed building and catering lunches for the extra 6 or so helpers we've had, which doesn't exactly leave a lot of time for fun.

Sunday was actually the first time we've left the house as a family in months. Matthew heard from his PE teacher at school that the Brisbane Roar were having a Fun Day, so we trundled off to that since the weather has been so lovely. It was a really lovely day and thankfully the crowds weren't too out of control.

So there you go, exciting stuff huh?

You gotta see the baby...

12 weeks, 6 days. Proof that there actually something in there and I'm not vomiting my life away for no reason at all. How lovely.